No breather for you!

School is out. After school activities are over. No homework. No bell ringing at 7:45 (as you frantically race toward the building so you won't have to pick up a Tardy slip). No lunch to pack, no urgent pressure to get the kids to bed by 8 pm lest they morph into Monsters on the Precipice of Rage the next day. Laundry has basically become towels, towels, more towels, and a few t-shirts and shorts. And then towels again.

It should be all easy shmeezy coconut squeezy. Right? But is it? IS IT????

Nooooooooooo!!! It most definitely is NOT.

And why? Why isn't it? I mean, swim team accounts for most of our mornings (5 out of the 7 per week). But still, the afternoons have been mostly open. Filled in as we go, of course. Playdates. Carpool shopping (it takes longer, but saves gas, and is more fun). Secluding myself under cover of heavy drapes and blinds from the freakish heat that has been scorching the Austin area for way too damn long. I have a theory called the Heat Induced Murder Rate Surge Phenomenon. It's pretty self-explanatory and while I've never seen any evidence or studies on the matter, I'd be willing to wager on it.

Speaking of the heat, I was trying to come up with something GOOD to say about it. I don't ALWAYS want to be so negative and pessimistic.

#1. Not as many mosquitoes. This is truly something remarkable. Forays into my backyard in previous years have left all exposed skin blistered with itchy bites by mosquitoes approaching the size of hummingbirds.

#2. Less mowing. Due to Prenuptial Agreement (b)(4) involving Bubble Boy and myself, I am responsible for all the lawn mowing. He has stepped up on occasion to fulfill my duties, but not without proper compensation, if you get my drift. So, the nice thing about the soft, green, lush grass turning brownish and crunchy is that it has gone into survival mode and stopped growing.

And that's about it. Anybody else have any ideas to get me through this heat wave???


tj said...

I saw on the news today that we're in the 30th day of 90+ degree heat, and are busting records right and left. I'll bet Al Gore is sitting in his house right now muttering "I TOLD you so, ya chump suckas!" As a native Texan, the way I beat the heat each and every summer is to complain bitterly about it to everyone in my family. Then I force MJ and SKJ to put on sunscreen and go swim in the neighbor's pool while I read in the den. I hear that some rain might be on the way tonight...

Jamie said...

Yes, now I'm certain it'll rain tonight because I just watered my flower beds! Figures.

Bubble Girl said...

Well, I've definitely gotten the "complaining bitterly" tactic down. Poor family.