2/27/07

Veggin' Out


To Cleanse or Not to Cleanse? (or something like that), Cleanliness is next to Godliness, or to quote Cervantes, "All will come out with the washing". Well, let's hope so. I'm on Day 6 of a 21 day cleanse and, all things considered, not doing too badly. I think
about food A LOT and, as my friends can attest, find myself talking about it a lot. I find myself flipping over to the Food Network. Really, it's not too bad. It could be so much worse. The basic rules are stick to vegetables and fruits (2:1 ratio), no grains of any type, no dairy, no meat, seeds, beans, or nuts, no sugar, no chocolate filled croissants, no brownies, no caffiene or alcohol, no fast food. You get the idea. Drink between two-five only moderately gritty protein shakes a day and you're good to go! Eat as many low-glycemic veggies you can choke down...I mean....as you want a day, and flush the toxins out of your body and down the bowl. Oh, and take 30 foul-smelling capsules a day. Yes, it's just that easy!

I know cleansing seems to be quite the fad lately, or at least has gotten lots of press (that IS why I do things, isn't it?). I know people who've done the Master Cleanse and swear to it's efficacy. Personally, the thought of drinking lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper isn't too pleasant and the salt water flush sounds like a Barf-fest. That's one way to cleanse, I guess. So, at least I get to EAT. My Cleansing Buddy left a message for me last night in hushed tones that she thought we ought to be able to eat Terra Chips Spiced Sweet Potato chips since they're cooked in "canola and/or safflower oil". We're supposed to avoid canola but safflower is okay. The "OR" is critical on the ingredients list and we went with it. Sweet thing that she is, she bought a bag for me when she got her own. I was probably violating the Spirit of the Cleanse when I ate almost the whole bag this afternoon.

Sweet Potato chips aside, I have a feeling bordering on pride for getting this far without cheating. I've never been one for self-discipline, having been fortunate that my whims never led me too far down the path of illegal or dangerous activities. When opening a box of Girl Scout cookies my attitude tends to be to eat the whole box and get it over with as soon as possible rather than drag out the inevitable. Unfortunately, this attitude was starting to spill over into other foods, so I was getting into trouble. So, to sit at the donut shop with Little A while he gobbled down his post-vaccination donut, or watch Big E tear through her chocolate-filled croissant after our mother/daughter No-School Monday lunch is a small triumph for me. 5 down, 16 to go.


3 comments:

grumpy said...

Hang in there. Cervantes also said
"It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it".
On an unrelated subject, I just read an article that caused me to think of you, as well as others that live in fire ant territory, ESPECIALLY those who are trying to be somewhat environmentally conscience.
According to the article, you can remove, or drastically reduce fireants by sprinkling some instant grits on fire ant mounds during periods of dry weather. The claim was made that the queen fire ants will consume this and when the next rain comes, it will cause the queen's demise because of the swelling grits.
I'm skeptical (as usual) but if I lived there, I'd try it. After all you don't have a lot to lose.
Good luck with the cleanse and ants.

Nuclear Mom said...

Girl, you have way too much time on your hands! LOL
Here's a little bit of info I was JUST researching in response to something Mason and Noah said:
WHAT MAKES POOP FLOAT?

Surprisingly, not what you might think.

Conventional medical wisdom attributes Floaters to the amount of fat in your poop. While this IS true for certain diseases (cystic fibrosis, celiac disease, biliary atresia, abetalipoprotenimia and a few other weird sounding illnesses), it is NOT true for your run-of-the-mill healthy person.

Vegetarians would have you believe that the "perfect" stool (that is, one uncontaminated by the consumption of animal parts) is the Floater. Many vegetarians have spent their entire lives in the quest to produce perfection -- when in fact no particular diet can reliably produce Floaters. The vast majority of us bring forth Sinkers.

Sinkers really need a good P.R. person -- they have gotten a bad rap over the ages. Sure, Floaters are cute and all, but a good solid Sinker will never let you down.


BACK TO WHAT MAKES POOP FLOAT...

Actually, it is gas that does it. Increased levels of air and gas in the poop make it less dense, and cause it to float. Simple as that. Dietary changes can lead to an increase in the amount of gas produced by the bacteria that live in the gut, which is probably what the vegetarians are basing their whole "perfect stool" theory on. I don't know -- the whole time I was vegan I never consistently produced Floaters.

Then, after a couple of years, I grew disenchanted and yearned for a hamburger. And that was the end of Poonurse the Vegetarian.


WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Well, I'm a little unclear on that. It must matter greatly to a lot of people, or else they wouldn't take so much time to write to me about it. I guess it could matter if you are worried that you are sick or something.

If you have diarrheal-esque Floaters for more than two weeks, you may have a malabsorption problem -- a dysfunction of the GI tract that affects the body's ability to digest and absorb fat. Acute gastrointestinal infections can also result in increased gas content in the intestines, due to rapid movement of stool through the GI tract.


SO WHAT?

So I am forced to assume that Floaters are NOT the most desirable of all stools. Sinkers are by far more common. Don't spend your life chowing down on tofu burgers just because you think you are being cheated out of a Floater. Neither tofu burgers nor Floaters are worth the trouble. Sinkers are our destiny.

Candace said...

OMG, I am ROFL ... that is so funny - the poop critique - I remember years ago reading a cool article on poop in the Utne Reader. That is good stuff, yep.

But whats up with the nuclear mom - who is she? she says YOU have too much time on your hands? Then she sends you such a long diary of poop? So, who has more time on their hands - and perhaps poo?

And who is grumpy? scarey - I need to learn more about who / how folks can comment on these pages. Is that why you say little A and big E? Not gonna use names? I've already exposed my family to the risk of cyber assault? Please enlighten me on these issues. YooHoo - OnStar - Tell me what you know.

~C